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Sometimes, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments often turn “highly unrealistic”, he states. You’re riding high and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “sudden low”, during which he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to criticism from others. He came to wonder he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors online – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. But, he doubts he would have accepted the diagnosis unless he had previously arrived at that understanding by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they feel a sense of being better. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

While people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what the term implies the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, because of widespread prejudice linked to the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as seeking admiration,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

While a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are men, studies suggests this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she says, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this response – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and take advice from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples during development. I’ve had to teach myself over the years what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Genetics play a role,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “tied to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Like several of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an assessment and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for talking therapy through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: It was indicated it is probably going to be in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he says. All of the people have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the growth of online advocates and the development of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number